The Terrible Twos!
Leave it to Social Media to help put things in perspective sometimes....
Coming into the office this morning, I was a little bit down and off today. Could be that I spent the weekend running around in the blistering heat for cheerleading and playing a gig with the cover band that although both very fun things, just wore me out. Could be that I woke up feeling tired and depressed, which looking at the scale before a shower and seeing I gained a few pounds over the weekend (which honestly, goes back down after a few days, but I'm obsessed). Could be that the band and the new album has kind of hit a standstill and we haven't practiced in weeks.
But then this morning after looking at my Timehop I realized something...
It totally slipped my mind, but my debut album HEAL came out today two years ago!
Two years...damn, seems like time as you get older and older goes by way too fast.
I tend to be a pretty nostalgic person in the fact that when certain events come up like birthdays, anniversaries and that time around the end of the year I like to look back and think to myself "what has happened since then? Has it been good or bad? What can I do to make it even better?"
As anyone who has followed this website and the HEAL Blog that came before this one (which you can read below if you want to catch up at the end of this post) although I might be feeling blue right now, things have certainly changed a lot since 2015:
When I started writing and recording this album at the beginning of 2015, I was really in a bad way. I was over 300 lbs, drinking constantly, depressed/anxious, popping pills and had just given up on myself. That year recording the album, through watching my calories, doing yoga 3x week and not ingesting crap on a daily basis, by the time the album was released in September I had lost over 60 pounds, cut down my drinking considerabily and was feeling the best I had felt since college!
By the end of 2015, I had assembled a group of musicans affectionaly called The Critically Ashamed Band (my own little E Street Band perse) and at the end of the year around November we had played our first gig.
I thought to myself "holy fuck...I did it!"
I was so happy at the end of 2015 because for the first time in my "muscial career" I set a goal and acheived it. I recorded a full length album writing all of the music/lyrics on my own, started a band with a bunch of great friends old and new, lost a ton of weight and was on my way.
However, from the end of that year to now have been some of those most challenging times of my whole life.
I was going to sit here and write a whole timeline of what happened those past 2 years, but I’ll save you a lot of scrolling and will include the highlights 😛
Since HEAL was released there has been a lot of bad, but also some good that followed.
I was diagnosed with severe anxiety and depression in the beginning of 2016 after a trip to the ER for a massive panic attack, which through the help of medication has really been a game changer in helping me cope with issues I’ve had more than half my life.
The band had a few lineup changes and it was a struggle sometimes to keep it together, but in the end of 2016 we ended up with “the core four” with me switching to rythum guitar for the 2017 shows and although I felt restricted by the bass, playing guitar live really gave me a new “challenge” to tackle like I did when I started playing keys in the band.
Although we had spent most of 2016 essentially starting from scratch, we got back on the stage around the Fall, even finishing out the year playing The Chance which is something I haven't done with ANY band since the 90's, let alone my own "solo project"
This year we've played @ 6 shows, mostly at local places (and for some reason mostly Stamford) and the shows/crowds have been a lot of fun! The only thing that has really been plaguing me music/band wise is finishing my latest album.
By the time HEAL was done I had lived with it for so long, I was ready to start something new. I wrote about 12-13 songs and recorded everything on my own except for the usual live drums and vocals, but getting those last puzzle pieces done consists of me relying on others and also getting the finances to finish it properly.
It's nobody's fault, at this age we all have jobs, family, kids, mortgages, life it's difficult to get everyone in a room to practice together, let alone spend a full day recording and trust me folks, going into a studio is not cheap!
I am super proud of this new album and I am anxious to get it done and out. I am hoping to launch an IndieGoGo campaign soon so be on the lookout. As much as I'm not really a big fan of crowd source funding, at this point in order to get it done properly to where I am proud of it, I'm going to need some help.
Just like the majority of subject matter on Elephants Bury Their Dead, i want to take all of this music, release it and move on.
Beleive it or not, I have much more song and direction ideas for 2018 and since the Winter is coming soon (if you can believe it!) my plan is to hunker down and write, write write at my home studio and see what comes. I'm also hoping to make the studio at home more of a functional studio where I can record live drums and vocals so I'll be able to churn out content easier.
For everyone who has listened, read, shown up at gigs and especially supported HEAL and my music these past few years THANK YOU!