Glory Days

Ahoy!  

Hope you all had a great week! Just a few more days for me before my family and I pack up and take our annual trip down to beautiful Ocean City NJ! I love spending time not only with my girls for a whole week, but also my mother, brother, sister, their significant others and children. There's not too many times anymore where I can sit down at a table with my brother and sister and just talk so I cherish it and look forward to it every year. Let's hope it's better for me than last year where I had massive dental pain and work issues 😐 

Ahhhhh beach and Boardwalk! Can't wait!  

Ahhhhh beach and Boardwalk! Can't wait!  

No worries I'm sure I'll have a nice post about  it when I get back . 

In the meantime, things on the HEAL train are still going swimmingly (see what I did there? 😜). I feel as though I'm getting close to the end of the tunnel! After a stall in May and half of June things ramped back up and I'm happy to say I am down to a svelte 245lbs now!

The fact that I was over 300 in the beginning of January feels like a major accomplishment to me. My goal is to be under 200lbs by Jan 1st 2016 and the way things are going with 45 lbs left to lose in 5 months I think I can really get there! Honestly at this point the past few months I've only been doing the Yoga, counting calories and staying away from junk so I think if I try and go back to zero carbs, sugar after vacation and really ramp it up It's totally obtainable. 

Slow and steady my friends 👍 

Slow and steady my friends 👍 

I was thinking a lot lately about the future. What I want to accomplish before the end of the year health wise, music wise, house wise, everything and it made me think of the topic for this week. The subject of thinking about the old glory days.

i do it myself at times and I hear people talk about it a lot where they go "Man sometimes I wish I could go back to the time when (insert age range here) I was this or that...boy that was really the good ol days"  

I  used to do that a lot myself  when things were tough or going wrong with me in my life. I would think back on how I looked, acted, felt when I was younger and I would wish I could go back and be living like that again. Either that or I would see someone younger than me in a certain place in their life complaining and think "what the hell are you bitching about I would KILL to be your age and where you are right now!" 

Sure I think we all think about our youth sometimes, how indestructable we all felt and the lack of responsibilities we all had. Let's think 20-25 years ago in the good ol 90's. I had just got out of college, the band I was in was gaining momentum, we were popular, I was playing to big crowds, we were about to be signed to a label (ok a European label but it counted!) and we were going to take over the world!

At Lamours opening for the mighty Type O Negative. To think I used to wear two shirts because I thought I was fat back then 😦

At Lamours opening for the mighty Type O Negative. To think I used to wear two shirts because I thought I was fat back then 😦

I worked some Retail job just to put a few bucks in my pocket that had the least amount of responsibility possible. You know just something to do until we took off and I can quit at a moments notice. My rent was a measley $600 a month split in half in some crummy apartment and I think at the time I weighed less than 180 lbs. It was a time I had no steady girlfriend or wife, no kids, no mortgage, I looked good and I didn't give a fucckkkkkk. Top of the world! 

Sounds great right?  

But it's funny how we tend to think back to those "Glory Days" and only seem to cherry pick the good parts of it and forget all of the things that were bad about it. 

In my house we used to call it "The AZ disease" I had an aunt who I loved dearly but she would go on like "oh my kids were such angels growing up" and we used to look at her like she was a three headed mutant "who's kids are you talking about? That ain't the way I remember". My mom will do it sometimes about us growing up and I would just shake my head and say "ok AZ..." which would be followed by a slap on the arm.

Truth is with all of those so called "glory days" also came with long bouts of poverty, depression, alcoholism, drugs, strained relationships and soul suckers. I was broke, writing checks my ass couldn't cash just to put food (and beer of course) in the fridge so I wouldn't starve. I lived in dumps, got into relationships that dragged me down and after years of abusing myself, others, losing the dream of becoming a "rockstar" and all hope it almost lead to my death by my own hands.

I share a lot on this blog in the hopes of helping others and getting things off my chest. Don't know if I'm ready for that tale yet. Sorry maybe soon don't want to upset people making a point come on my mom reads this!

But what I am getting at in a very long round about way is...not to quote my own lyrics but there's a line in an old Brady Bastards song I used to say all the time:

you can't go back to holding hands

 Once in awhile sure when I get a free night or weekend to myself I would kick back with a few hundred cheap beers, hang out with my pals, maybe go see a concert, get in the pit and go nuts. I would pretend I'm back in the "glory days" even if it's for just one day and have a blast! 

But let me tell you the next day it would hurt and I would tell myself "man you are 44 not 24 anymore" .

Since I've taken this journey to HEAL sure there have been a misstep or three here and there but the one thing it has really shown me is that I'm extremely lucky to be here and I'm so grateful of what I have now. Back then in the "glory days" I never would of thought I would have my own home, a good job, married (almost 11 years on the 1st!) and that I would have two lovely children of my own. 

How can you not want to bite them? 

How can you not want to bite them? 

Has it been all flowers and sunshine? Of course not but that's the point...neither were the glory days either!

Take the good parts of those times...you want to look and feel the way you did back then? Do it today!  I'm doing that now I'm taking the things I liked about myself back then and applying them to the good things now...the best of both worlds as they say. 

Trust me don't be an Uncle Rico. There's no time machine and throwing the football in front of a camera doesn't bring you back. Plus you might not want to if you realllly think about it. 

 

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