Hurry up and wait
Sometimes time goes by too fast, but not fast enough...
This week it feels like I have been getting into a bit of a rut. I'm doing the right thing, taking care of myself but sometimes I feel like the results are not coming to me as fast as I want them to .
Sure, overall I'm feeling better than I have in a very long time and I'm not suffering from withdrawls of sugars and junk foods anymore which is great but I keep looking at my gut going "come on, go away now! You are doing the right thing, why won't you go down!"
Like I've mentioned before, in the past I've always gone for "lose weight quick" diets of shakes, bars and all of that stuff and when I would do that I'd lose like 5 pounds or more a week! It would drop off a lot quicker and I would see results faster, but as most of those diets go, the minute you stop doing it the weight comes back in full force.
As I keep telling myself here and in my head over and over this is a lifestyle change, not a diet. But instead of just taking the tools I have been using and applying them naturally into my daily routine, I'm obsessing about it and it's giving me some doubt.
Part of it is I went back on my promise and I've been sneaking on the scale. It pisses me off when I do because I'm not seeing 5,10 pounds coming off a week like in the beginning it's kind of staying the same. I'm logging my calories, drinking my veggie drinks and all that but when I complete an entry and it goes "you keep this up within 5 weeks you should be at 270lbs" I'm saying to myself "Fuck you, that's not enough!" Granted, I started at over 290 the beginning of January, so I should be happy right? This is why I didn't want to weigh every week and just feel better. You want that confirmation that you are doing good, but it's never going to be enough.
I really have to stop making excuses and get going on my DDP Yoga already. I read the book, which helped me a lot with confirmation of what I should be eating and gave me the schedule of what programs to do which will give me better results that I'm looking for, but I just have to start. Just the thought of getting up at 6am is making me tired but it has to be done if I want to look and feel the way I want to.
But I'm glad I'm not giving up and that I have no desire to either. Closest I came this week was having a red Solo cup of Lucky Charms yesterday and I felt like I was snorting cocaine. But hey, even with that cup of Charms I logged it and was still under my calories for the day.
My jeans are looser, my shirts fit a little better and I'm not huffing and puffing anymore like I used to, I just am anxious to get to the finish line. I have goals like...
1) Getting a band together and start rehearsing by March (got a few potentials now and working out the logistics) after I get what I want done with Darrell at HoundSound
2) Finishing the album before the end of May (with first single to be released the month before)
3) Play gigs regulary all Summer starting in May-June to promote said album
4) run a 4k with my brother and sister by the end of the Summer (August)
I can picture it all in my head now, But I just want to be there already and I refuse to do any of this until I am where I need to be physically...